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Rules for Kids
In a child's life there is nothing so important as the health of the
relationship of his/her parents, and the display of adult competency.
If the parents are dysfunctional, do not relate lovingly and
respectfully to each other, and do not demonstrate self respect and
self care, the health and development of the child are immediately and
severely compromised.
So I should precede these "Rules for Kids" by giving an even more
important rule for grownups:
Golden
Rule for Grownups in Charge of Children: Be
loving and respectful to those around you, and loving and respectful to
yourself. Demonstrate mental and physical health to the best
of
your ability.
With that rule firmly in place we can proceed to "Rules for Kids"!
1 Children must be expected to live their lives around their
parents. This means that the adults set the schedules and
timetables. The adults call the tune on what is acceptable
and
what is not, and it's the child's job to fit in. If children
were
qualified to make those decisions, they wouldn't need parents.
2 While children need activity and stimulation in order to
learn
and develop, they do not need to live at a million miles an hour, and
they do not need to rush from soccer, to music, to cub
scouts, to
..... Well, you get the picture? Over-stimulation creates
stressful children. Let your child be responsible for
creating
his/her own entertainment. You are not the resident
entertainment
manager.
3 Children are not entitled to debate what they'll eat or
what
they'll wear, what time they'll go to bed, what state their
room
may be kept in, or even what friends they spend time with.
Those
are your decisions alone; they are made for the health and wellbeing of
the child, and they are not up for negotiation. You relax
those
rules only when you
believe it's appropriate to do so.
4 Children do not learn respect merely by being respected.
If you approach parenthood that way you will create a child
who
respects only him/herself and believes he/she is valuable merely for
breathing. Make sure you demand respect and never allow your
child to yell at you, insult you, or speak to you disdainfully, without
strong consequences. Only then will your child really
understand
what self respect is about.
5 All children need to learn the word "no" early, not only so
they can socialise happily and safely, but so they understand the
personal boundaries of others. As one who has seen the death of a child
simply because the word "no" had little meaning in his household, this
is one rule that every parent must get right.
6 Children need to understand that their parents also have a
relationship that excludes them, and which must be respected.
This means that parents maintain their right to "couples
time".
Children of all ages should be in their beds long before
parents
take to theirs.
7 And finally, every child has the right to be a child and
not be
forced to grow up too fast. To be tenderly loved and cared
for,
without violence or intimidation or the threat thereof. Firm
rules, big love.
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